Remnants and Recoveries

SOME NEW, SOME RECOVERED FROM OLD FILES 2001

ADVICE

Don’t buy this book
though with it you agree
it’s a decadent lifestyle
not poetry
that keeps you free

LAMENT FOR J.B.

Farewell Johnny Bravo
drifted away
Farewell Johnny Bravo
thought you would stay
Literary lapses
no common ground
and even stableboys
don’t come around

Farewell Johnny Bravo
nor more will we play
in bars and on beaches
and scenes of the gay
Sri Pada was misty
Warsaw was cold
Who climbed the mountain?
Who left the fold?

Farewell Johnny Bravo
don’t miss your complaining
the cross of self pity
is mighty restraining
But
7000 Russian boys
buried near Kazimierz Dolny
haunting the soil of Poland
inspire and appall me

Farewell Johnny Bravo
lighten your load
maybe you’ll surface
a ways down the road
And float with the Muse
in block free mind
leaving your skeletons
far behind

FREE TRADE CHARADE

Jail your opposition
clamp down on dissent
massacre some peasants
suspend your parliament
get rid of all your quotas
no more exchange controls
invite in our investors
and do what you are told

IATROGENIC RACISM

Little baby boo
Boo boo boo
Hmmmm
Here, try my other teat
That’s right
Snuggle down in my arm
That’s it
Oh aren’t you the sweetest little girl a mummy ever had
Pretty black curls and big dark eyes that shine
Looking right into mine
Boo boo boo
You like that don’t you?
Boo boo boo
Mama mama
Kila Kila
My little girl
My very own little girl
Boo boo boo

Beddie bye baby boo
Nap nap
Bye bye
Your mummy’s going to a meeting
The collective’s unanimous
We’re gonna tell the fucking feds
to toughen up the law
and raise the penalties
we won’t be victims anymore
But I’ll be back
Baby boo
as soon as I can
Boo boo boo
Bye

Don’t cry baby boo
You mummy’s back
Boo boo boo
You know what?
Baby boo
They supported our resolution
and we pushed our budget through
TV spots and all
That’ll show those racist pricks
And you know what?
Baby boo
Boo boo boo
Some day all this
will belong to you

TOP DOGGEREL

Crude electoral democracy
first past the National Post
acquires a noble mystic bent
damning the judiciary
when Andrew coins the toast
to Divine Right of Parliament

DUMPSTER EMPORIUM

There was an old man who was beating a drum
claiming he got his best euphoria from
the great prices and selection
of the Smithrite collection
at the dumpster emporium

YSS

Youth services cannot compete
with the attractions of the street
so they lobby for the law
to channel streetkids into their maw

CROSSWALKS — BLIND INTERSECTION

Cuckoos north south
Canaries east west
it helps out the blind
if that is the test
When the light says WALK
they don’t need a dog
they can cross confidently
and possibly jog

ANSWERING MACHINE QUEEN

I hear the recorded voice
information and instructions
palisades of the pale
I have no choice
or discretion
I’m her voice mail

DIET

In the morning I like most
sugar free butter on my toast
and fat free jam liberally spread
on my special fibre free bread
And incidentally
eating healthily
I like my MSG to be
absolutely additive free

NO CIGAR

The opposite of become
rhymes with orange
exactly
Inertia rules
nothing nil
ever for rhymeless silver
poets’ bane
Let it be
no free drinks
at the bar
No cigar

BASICS

You and Me
Us and Them
that’s really
Fundamentalism

Black and White
Truth and lies
Taking sides
no compromise

Good and Evil
Right and Wrong
there’s no equal
Might is strong

WINTERTIME

In wintertime I can see
the clock on Molson’s brewery
When poplar an’ willow are bare
the time is there outside my window
and I need no annoying gadget
a box that beeps
plays tunes and makes announcements
that no button seems to cure
short of killing time itself
In wintertime I have my sweet winter time
until spring’s green decency obscures my view

BLUE

I’m quite discriminating
and prejudiced too
If you’re white enough for me black boy
Am I black enough for you?

LIKE A WOMAN

I want to treat you like a woman
I want to know you that way
I want to do it to you Baby
What can I say
Maybe we shouldn’t talk about it
maybe I shouldn’t want
maybe Baby I’m just crazy
but I want you to love me that way

I want to treat you like a woman
I want to be your man
and treat you like a lady Baby
the best that I can
I want to see you decorated
coiffed and coutured
I want to be exonerated
but never cured

I want to treat you like a woman Baby
I want to be like a man
I want fuck you Baby as much as I can
What can I say
I just want to know you that way
It’s not like I’m gay
Is it?
So maybe Baby
Let’s play

GO GO BOY FOUR

Too old to be sexy
for a queer like me
twenty three
hunky and hairy legs
but a rather nice face
intelligent with
the serious intent
of bent comedy

his bulging crotch
is no thickening prick
or swelling gland
but a rubber duck
a kinky trick
stuck in his waistband
He invites old men to suck
on his impertinent canard
as he performs beyond the norms
of strip ripping his gaunch
from his hips and tossing shreds
to his admirers

mocking other strippers
exaggerated wiggles of his hips
down to his gaunch he rips
his hand probes
he violently disrobes
tears and rips
dispensing strips to reticent old men
no demigod
just an ordinary bod
fun and mimicry

An old man gets up and dances
belly jiggling
happy eyes flashing to the boy
cronies applaud the fun
and the duck takes many tips before
the dance is done

MORNING AFTER

The morning after
last night’s laughter booze and drugs
I sit rerolling butts to get my fix
Last night I lived
and trespassed beyond my usual self
A good time it’s part of being human
that’s what I’m here for
And the best times are had enriching the future

MOTHER

Abuse me with your kisses Mom
Tuck me in bed tight
Your weight upon the covers Mom
is more than I can fight
Tell me that I’m special Mom
that I’m a real good son
Praise me for my talents Mom
and get out of my room

ANARTIST

I’m anartistic and proud
uncomfortably loud in my taste
which is all in my mouth
my rhymes are quite uncouth
forsooth I’m my own crowd
and I loudly applaud myself

I’m not going your way
or near ‘cuz I’m really queer Dearie
I don’t see this or that
or ever wear a hat
or understand subtlety
taste is a waste you hear
Dearie
Get outa my sight
It’s not even right that you’re here

I only read porn or scat
nothin’ the matter with that
I don’t let redeeming values
intervene
come between me and my leanings
gleanings of which I’m sure
could cure the righteous pure
I get my life’s meanings
obtuse and obscure
from the adventure I’m in
a life where I’m not sure I sin

ANURADHAPURA ARBOREAL REALITY

The scion of the Boddhi tree
that Buddha once sat under
you cannot completely see
you simply have to wonder
for it’s encased with walls and shrines
that obscure the whole
from leafy branches you must divine
the nature of the bole

FLY

The first fly of summer
buzzing around my room
soon makes the season seem old

D O D D L E S

THE INVENTION OF NECCESSITY IS THE MOTHER OF ALL EXCUSES

If you want to effectively prohibit something
you need to understand it
If you want to understand something
you must look at it positively
If you see it positively
you may not wish to prohibit it

If you’re bored, could it be because you’re boring?

A world of perfect people would not make a perfect world

A conservative wants to make sure that all the guilty are punished; a liberal wants to make sure that no innocent are punished. A pragmatist is satisfied if the offender never repeats the crime.

You don’t hire consultants to make decisions for you,
you make the decision by which consultant you hire

Faith trumps facts
Faith trumps fear
Fear trumps hormones
Hormones trump faith

Drugs are something to live for, not die for
When drugs are not the problem the lack of them often is
Heard at the zoo on East Hastings: It’s no big deal, just a small rock
Being a crackhead entitles you to rip off whoever you choose
Suffer little children: No more crack for you!

SHORT LIFE: The life expectancy of a Bic lighter in a crack house
Experience dealing drugs is the next best thing to an MBA for success in business life
Surrendering your will to drugs is better than surrendering your will to God
because you’re more likely to get it back

The success of suburban crackdowns on tobacco sales to minors will be incontestable when the kids start going down to Hastings Street to score cigarettes.

Beer in aluminium cans causes alcozeimers disease

One man’s six pack abs is another man’s beer belly

YOU SHOULD NEVER CONSUME ANYTHING THAT YOU CAN’T SAY NO TO

If, or when governments get around to prohibiting tobacco, to protect children in all likelihood, and drive it underground like heroin, the resulting war on the weed will make the present war on drugs look like child’s play.

Capital punishment may not do much to deter murders but it sure as hell would discourage parking violations

MORAL FACTS OFTEN CONFLICT WITH SOCIAL FACTS
WITH HUMAN SUFFERING THE RESULT

One appeal of false concepts is that they have the best rationalizations.

The forgotten advice of Jehovah: You don’t have to sacrifice your children to me, I am quite happy with just goats and sheep.

BELEAGURED MAJORITIES:
When confronted with head on dissent society reacts as if it were a minority of all but one.

MEMO TO THERAPISTS: There is more profit in curing the sane
than in treating the sick

The future does not respect prophecy

“IF” is between “WHEN” and “NEVER”

The ultimate put down: He combines the honesty of a cop with the ethics of a journalist and the courage of a politician

We value lives too much & living too little

If you’re always in a hurry you’re likely going nowhere

ILLEGAL CONSENSUAL BEHAVIOR IS THE FOUNDATION OF ORGANIZED CRIME

Advice for criminals: GET ORGANIZED

Allowing the police to advocate and lobby for new laws is like allowing doctors to concoct new diseases [DSM argument]

It is the duty of freedom loving Canadians to defend themselves from the police

Citizens who obey the law unquestioningly are the heralds of tyranny
It’s OK to put bullet holes in uniforms,
it’s killing people that’s wrong

Studying offenders in prison is like studying wildlife in zoos

Sticks and stones
may break my bones
but my words can only jail me

Level playing fields are for multinationals, not children

We have appointed children’s advocates so that no one speaks for kids

Children not only have the right to say ‘NO’ but to know what they are saying NO to.

The goal of boys’ sex education should be considerate and cocksure kids.

Except as bedmates women should stay out of the sex lives of boys

If pregnancy is treated as a medical problem, shouldn’t we do the same with puberty?

Why kids shouldn’t fool around:-You gotta grow up before you can act like a kid

Pubic hair is God’s way of warning kids to start thinking about pregnancy.

Advertisement for POND’S skin care product:
SEXUAL PEAK FOR MEN: 17 / SEXUAL PEAK FOR WOMEN: 35

It is important that young people understand the principles of fairness and justice even if they do not encounter them in their everyday dealings with authorities.

One bureaucrat to another: If we don’t do something about the problem right away it might go away on its own

Unclipped chicken: Fresh flying flesh to fry

The forgotten advice of Jehovah: You don’t have to sacrifice your children to me,
I am quite happy with just goats and sheep.

He/she has a beautiful body with a face like a person

His pitch was so great he didn’t need a product

Dear reader [children]. If you disagree with me console yourself with the knowledge that almost everybody else is on your side. Isn’t that be nice?

QUESTION: Is the number of arrests under a law a measure of its success? [Germany had 10 convictions under its sex tourism laws while Canada hasn’t had any]

QUESTION: If the number of people in jail for drug offences doubled in the next five years, would that mean that the War on Drugs was being won?

QUESTION: If the number of drug overdose deaths increase does that mean that law enforcement is becoming more effective?

CHILD SAVING VISION: A team from the Canadian International Children’s Rights Commission is making its way through the killing fields of Sri Lanka, the devoutly Buddhist island off the coast of India. They are looking for victims of child sex abuse perpetrated by Canadian tourists. In the south they find the bodies of thousands of Sinhalese teenagers and youth many bearing signs of torture. They examine each body carefully but it appears they were all killed by security forces and there is no evidence that any were assaulted by Canadian pedophiles. Disappointed the Children’s Rights Commission proceeds to the northeast where they find thousands of dead Tamil teenagers. Unfortunately they appear to have been killed in battles with the army and none show signs of Canadian sex abuse. Despondent, the team prepares to return to Canada worried how their negative report will be received at headquarters. Luckily on the last night before their flight leaves they discover one of their own team giving a blow job to a thirteen year old roomboy. The others call the police, order champagne and celebrate.

 

H E A D L I N E NEWS: Heroes for the ‘90’s

“INVETERATE RISK TAKER”

(Vancouver Sun February 1st, 1996.)
“Missing teen offender believed to have stolen boat”

Adam Gibson young offender
bounded out from Outward Bound
in a boat and was never found
We pray for you of years so tender
just thirteen and ninety pounds
hope you’re thriving and not drowned

(San Francisco Chronicle, circa September 1996.)
“States’ Regulations Fight Teen Tattoo Fad”

Fourteen year old Ryan left a street fair
with a little guy running with a hatchet
(They don’t say where)
His mother Sandra complained to politicians
and now in Michigan it’s a crime
to tattoo bodypierce or brand a minor

(B.C. REPORT, May 22, 1995.)
“Real shame with fake male” Vernon, B.C.

Treena Korreena Woloski
posed as a man to seduce some girls
The court faulted Woloski for fraud
therefore the girls were assaulted
Five years
Oh my God
because one of Treena’s teen victims
was it seems
under fourteen

BATONS AND PEPPER SPRAY

(The Province, April 8, 1996.)
“Kids in Kamloops turn against police”

The concert was oversold
and outside some kids were drinking
The set had ten minutes to go
and some upstanding citizen found cause to complain
“Kids these days!”
And the police had been trained for their job
BATONS and PEPPER SPRAY!
The plastic shields are on order
The cops did their job
as they saw it
and want us to see it too
Susan got it in the gut
and Davina’s pregnant friend
was hit with pepper spray
Ebony, her eye bull’s eyed
with cop toy tabasco
thanked our medicare system
BATONS and PEPPER SPRAY!
Mounties cleared the hall
but were confronted
with bottle and stone throwing youths
Twenty six were arrested
Just two minor injuries
and ten police cruisers damaged
Sgt. Phil McVie thinks it was handled extremely well
Apparently some kid spat on the cops
I wonder why
Parents are irate
I wonder why

(The SUN July 19, 1996. “Nude fugitive tough to tackle” Fonthill, Ontario)

(The Province June 14, 1996. “Mission kids pelt police with rocks”)

(The Globe and Mail June 28, 1996. “Riots routine at Fête nationale”)

Content of this website is released with ‘copyleft’ license, that is you are free to copy, redistribute or use it for your own purposes provided you retain the present copyleft notice including my name and contact information, allowing others to subsequently reuse the material.  Robin Sharpe, crankyman98@gmail.com.